your best roasts/jokes

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Postby keep_it_real » Fri Feb 17, 2017 7:25 am

hey

so i am hosting a surprise roast this weekend, and i need some content.

what are your best roasts? the guy we're roasting has a ska related tattoo, is pretty short, has glasses, and is from an undesirable town.

help me out!
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Postby c_floyd II » Fri Feb 17, 2017 7:34 am

My best roast would be a nice bone-in beer standing rib roast using a reverse sear method. A good dry rub will do wonders for a delicious and beautiful crust.
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Postby antipasto » Fri Feb 17, 2017 7:40 am

A surprise roast sounds like a great idea
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Postby LEMON!!!!!!!!!! » Fri Feb 17, 2017 7:43 am

"I tried coming up with some jokes about you but I ended up asking strangers on the internet. max m."
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Postby SchlongConnery » Fri Feb 17, 2017 8:02 am

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
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Postby Avoidance Learning » Fri Feb 17, 2017 8:06 am

funboi wrote:My best roast would be a nice bone-in beer standing rib roast using a reverse sear method. A good dry rub will do wonders for a delicious and beautiful crust.


This is tantalizing, what are the sides? I'm wet.
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Postby c_floyd II » Fri Feb 17, 2017 8:15 am

Root vegetables, green beans sauteed in butter/garlic. Baked potato. Garlic bread even.
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Postby creativexcover » Fri Feb 17, 2017 9:09 am

Where does Fonzy go for lunch?

Chick-Fil-Eyyyyyyyy
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Postby LEMON!!!!!!!!!! » Fri Feb 17, 2017 9:10 am

creativexcover wrote:Where does Fonzy go for lunch?

Chick-Fil-Eyyyyyyyy



:smt005 :smt005 :smt005
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Postby CeaseAndPersist » Fri Feb 17, 2017 9:31 am

A nice tri-tip. Seared before being thrown in the crockpot with some garlic, a nice red wine (get yourself a decent bottle because only 1/3 is going, drink the rest while you wait), some thyme, salt, pepper, and a finely diced onion. Feel free to throw some mushrooms in there if you're getting creative.
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Postby CeaseAndPersist » Fri Feb 17, 2017 9:32 am

OP is Ned Mencia
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Postby Stoner Witch » Fri Feb 17, 2017 9:36 am

Just sing "ska sucks" as loud as you can while fanning farts in his face. He'll get the idea.
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Postby jonsetsfire » Fri Feb 17, 2017 9:48 am

antipasto wrote:A surprise roast sounds like a great idea

Sounds like an intervention to me.
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Postby HOTDOGS_COMINURWAY » Fri Feb 17, 2017 10:15 am

I like to use an espresso rub and get some nice color on all sides, this is key. Remove the meat and throw in some onion and carrot, garlic until soft. Deglaze with some nice red wine and add flour. Throw it all in a dutch oven with some thyme and fresh bay leaves, meat last and throw that somabitch in for a good 2 or 3 hours on low temp. Sip on the rest of that wine if thats your thing or just chill and play some video games.
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Postby oldorder » Fri Feb 17, 2017 12:33 pm

Rip on how beautiful and delicious his hog is. That'll get him.
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Postby judge smails » Fri Feb 17, 2017 1:23 pm

I would eat a grotesque amount of shrimp in front of him. He'll say something smarmy, like "the ocean called, they're running out of shrimp." That's when you hit him with the kill shot:
Spoiler: show
OH YEAH? WELL I HAD SEX WITH YOUR WIFE!
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Postby captainsunshine » Fri Feb 17, 2017 1:25 pm

tell him he is skautistic
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Postby Chris M. » Fri Feb 17, 2017 1:29 pm

judge smails wrote:I would eat a grotesque amount of shrimp in front of him. He'll say something smarmy, like "the ocean called, they're running out of shrimp." That's when you hit him with the kill shot:
Spoiler: show
OH YEAH? WELL I HAD SEX WITH YOUR WIFE!

His wife is in a coma.
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Postby judge smails » Fri Feb 17, 2017 1:31 pm

Chris M. wrote:
judge smails wrote:I would eat a grotesque amount of shrimp in front of him. He'll say something smarmy, like "the ocean called, they're running out of shrimp." That's when you hit him with the kill shot:
Spoiler: show
OH YEAH? WELL I HAD SEX WITH YOUR WIFE!

His wife is in a coma.

Oh shit. I'd probably just slunk out then.
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Postby creativexcover » Fri Feb 17, 2017 1:32 pm

judge smails wrote:
Chris M. wrote:
judge smails wrote:I would eat a grotesque amount of shrimp in front of him. He'll say something smarmy, like "the ocean called, they're running out of shrimp." That's when you hit him with the kill shot:
Spoiler: show
OH YEAH? WELL I HAD SEX WITH YOUR WIFE!

His wife is in a coma.

Oh shit. I'd probably just slunk out then.

Image
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Postby LEMON!!!!!!!!!! » Fri Feb 17, 2017 1:36 pm

ask him if his dad knows he is gay.
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Postby keep_it_real » Fri Feb 17, 2017 2:51 pm

lol thanks guys.

pretty much just going to hammer him with one liners.
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Postby Avoidance Learning » Fri Feb 17, 2017 2:52 pm

shitbag wrote:ask him if his dad knows he is gay.

you wanna suck my dad's dick?
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Postby LEMON!!!!!!!!!! » Fri Feb 17, 2017 2:58 pm

fred durst wrote:
shitbag wrote:ask him if his dad knows he is gay.

you wanna suck my dad's dick?


I mean if you wouldn't and he needs to be saved from a snek bite. sign me up
Last edited by LEMON!!!!!!!!!! on Fri Feb 17, 2017 2:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Avoidance Learning » Fri Feb 17, 2017 2:59 pm

shitbag wrote:
fred durst wrote:
shitbag wrote:ask him if his dad knows he is gay.

you wanna suck my dad's dick?


I mean if you wouldn't and he needs to be saved from a snek bite. sign me up

what if we both do it?
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Postby LEMON!!!!!!!!!! » Fri Feb 17, 2017 2:59 pm

fred durst wrote:
shitbag wrote:
fred durst wrote:
shitbag wrote:ask him if his dad knows he is gay.

you wanna suck my dad's dick?


I mean if you wouldn't and he needs to be saved from a snek bite. sign me up

what if we both do it?


:smt008: team workkkkkkk
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Postby captainsunshine » Fri Feb 17, 2017 3:00 pm

keep_it_real wrote:pretty much just going to hammer him

we all knew you were going to fuck him
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Postby macho insecurity » Fri Feb 17, 2017 3:17 pm

Show up and kill yourself.
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Postby jonsetsfire » Fri Feb 17, 2017 9:07 pm

why do NFL players smoke weed if there are rules? wrote:Show up and kill yourself.

Got em.
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Postby !azzip » Fri Feb 17, 2017 9:10 pm

shitbag wrote:ask him if his dad knows he is gay.

Wait- he blades too?? Judas Priest
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Postby Tim the Toolman Taylor » Fri Feb 17, 2017 9:38 pm

captainsunshine wrote:tell him he is skautistic

Hahahaha
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Postby HOTDOGS_COMINURWAY » Fri Feb 17, 2017 11:00 pm

choke his girlfriend to death
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Postby xpatx » Fri Feb 17, 2017 11:26 pm

Damn, this took a dark turn
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Postby ElectricWolfPit » Fri Feb 17, 2017 11:47 pm

Call him a real piece of work but with an attitude like he isn't really
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Postby baustin » Sat Feb 18, 2017 2:00 am

friend A roasted another friend B saying that he'd "fuck him mom to deaf"

Spoiler: show
friend B's mom is actually deaf.
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Postby keep_it_real » Tue Feb 21, 2017 10:33 am

roast went really damn well, dude was visibly confused as his birthday was a full month ago.
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Postby creativexcover » Tue Feb 21, 2017 10:56 am

HOTDOGS_COMINURWAY wrote:choke his girlfriend to death
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